PD Revelation

[Updated – 6/19/21, 7/7/22]

I said I would provide an update about what it feels like for me these days when pause turns off. I'll provide that here as well as a few other thoughts on turning off pause. And I just want to reiterate that the experience of turning off pause varies from person to person. So don't assume your experience will necessarily be a lot like mine. JWH does provide some descriptions of what you can reliably expect to feel. Here is a good one (RFP, 2020, p. 363):

However, regardless of where one is in terms of muscle and nerve healing, every time that pause is turned off, the inhibition of dopamine release for motor function is instantly turned off. Turned off instantly. A person immediately feels subtly different. The chronic sense of impending doom, the need for wariness, and the other aspects of the Parkinson’s personality – a medically recognized syndrome – ease up. Dopamine for motor function flows freely, instantly, when it is supposed to… until such time, if any, that pause mode is mentally initiated again in response to an unexpected fear or from the long-installed habit of wariness.

What it feels like these days

As I mentioned, when pause turns off these days it's not quite as dramatic as it was those first couple of times a few months back. Still, it's consistent with JWH's description above. And it still feels mighty good!

I'm just guessing, but I would speculate that the reason it's not as dramatic and intense these days is that I'm coming out of a shallower level of pause.

These days when pause turns off it tends to start with feelings of expansion from my heart to my head. Lately I get these feelings some of the time when I'm on pause as well, but when it's turning off they intensify in a very pleasant feeling way. I feel as well an almost immediate lift in my mood. I also get a sensation in my chest that feels a bit like my lung capacity has increased. If I pay attention, I notice an increased ease or looseness in my limbs and a strong feeling of relief. Overall, I just feel exceptionally good! [Update – 6/19/21: I can add that when pause turns off my voice comes back from its pause-softened state to near normal almost instantly.]

A correlation

I've noticed a correlation between pause turning off and the amount of time and focus I have put into the protocol on that day. It's as if putting in enough good, focused time builds up the right energy or feelings needed for pause to turn off.

What it's like as pause turns back on

Though you can't miss that something's happening when pause turns off, my experience has been that it turns back on in a more insidious way. It usually takes me a few hours, in fact, to know for sure I have slipped back into pause mode. Eventually it becomes clear, as I realize my mood is no longer so good, I feel some fatigue, and I feel a heaviness and a stiffness that has crept back into my body.

[Update – 7/7/22: This “insidious” way it seems when pause turns back on is probably just due to the fact that the feeling of pause is so familiar to me that I don't notice at first when it turns back on.]

The first couple of times I went off pause I was able to identify small stressors that seemed to cause me to slip back into it. More recently though it has seemed simply to turn back on of its own accord, like a habit (see “habit of wariness” in the quote above). I look forward to getting to the point where I'm spending more time off pause than on pause. I suspect that will be a good step toward breaking the pause habit as my brain starts to get the message that I don't want it using pause mode.

What turning off pause tells me about the validity of the protocol

Prior to the first time pause turned off for me, I relied mostly on a bit of logical analysis and my knowledge of others who had recovered to provide me with confidence in the protocol. A simplified version of that analysis is here. Once I experienced pause turning off, however, I had new fuel for that confidence. When I have been off pause I have had the unmistakable feeling that the process driving Parkinson's has ceased. Non-motor symptoms (my most debilitating symptoms!) have all evaporated, and even within one day motor symptoms have begun to ease a little. [1]

That the experience of turning off pause has been so pronounced, so distinctive, so positive, and at times so intense confirms that JWH is writing accurately about a very real phenomenon. This has provided me with very substantial additional support for my confidence in the validity of the JWH approach to Parkinson's.

In fact, I don't think anyone who has experienced pause turning off abruptly in response to the protocol could retain any hint of doubt about the protocol's validity.

[1] Though individual experiences vary, that not all symptoms disappear instantly is not unexpected. As JWH writes in RFP (2020, p. 202), “The war might end abruptly but the rebuilding after the war will take some time.” Once pause stays off longer I can expect to enter the next phase of healing as recovery symptoms commence and PD symptoms steadily decrease. I believe I may have already experienced one or two minor recovery symptoms in the times I have been off pause, but I'll wait to report on recovery symptoms until I experience a longer period off pause.