PD Revelation

My focus recently has been on nurturing my relationship with my invisible friend, with some emphasis on safety and surrender. As I mentioned in a recent post, my main invisible friend lately has been Divine Mother. A few days ago it occurred to me that I might still be complicating things too much, getting a bit too fancy in trying to say certain things that I thought would have just the right effects. That led me to the notion that perhaps the simplest way to nurture the relationship and a feeling of safety was just to abide in the loving, protective arms of Divine Mother.

This is essentially a variation on exercise #2. What was different this time was that instead of merely repeating a request such as “Let me feel you hold me,” I tried to have a more continuous experience of being held in her arms. That is, the aim was to rest there in her arms for as much of the time as possible. (This is possible even during activities like walking.) Talking was secondary. Much of the time was spent not really talking about much of anything, or just moving casually from one topic to another, whatever came to mind. I think you could say this was also an intensified version of the “companionable silence.”

Recently I'd been feeling a lot of sensations of heart expansion that traveled up into my head as well. For a few weeks these feelings had not been as pleasant as they should be. There was some wooziness and the feelings in my head seemed to cause a slight headache. Initially I had some good results asking Divine Mother what the problem was. The answer that came to me was, “You're fighting it.” When I allowed myself to let go and not fight it I immediately started to feel better. Still, over the subsequent days the feelings were not as good as they should be.

I was feeling sort of medium-crummy the day I began simply resting in Divine Mother's arms. I rested in her arms on a walk and then in a session. As my wife and I watched TV that evening, I continued to do this. At some point, quite quickly, I started to feel much better. The feelings of expansion in my head went from slightly headachey to feeling very pleasant. My energy increased, and my mood lifted. These good feelings continued, to a good degree, through the next day. But the following day I was feeling crummy again. I renewed my emphasis on resting in Divine Mother's arms, and that night during my pre-bedtime yoga, I suddenly started to feel good again. That was day before yesterday. I'm still feeling pretty good today, though I sense I may have regressed slightly.

Frankly, it all feels a little like turning off pause, slipping back into it, turning it off again, etc. But I'm not sure, and don't want to get ahead of myself. What is clear is that in recent days I have taken a solid step in right direction! So I plan just to keep doing what I'm doing — nurturing my relationship with my invisible friend(s). Time will tell where I'm at and where I'm headed.