Really grasping it
To elaborate on one part of the recent post on emotional openness, it matters how you deal with new ideas and emotions. Recall that in Stuck on Pause Janice Walton-Hadlock (JWH) writes, “When you do feel these new and/or deeper level thoughts and emotions, and feel the love behind them, actually feel them rather than mentally assessing your emotions and behaviors, you will very likely find yourself turning off pause.”
So it is of fundamental importance to fully grasp those ideas and to register those emotions on a very palpable, feeling level rather than merely an intellectual level.
The need to feel increasingly safe, for example, is central to the protocol. The point here is that you can't merely acknowledge the rational thought, “I am safe” or “I'm in no danger of dying right now.” To fully grasp this new idea of safety, you have to feel it. You have to actually experience new feelings of safety. The same could be said for related ideas/emotions such as trust, being loved, the experience of letting your guard down, and other ideas and emotions that come into play.
Of course thought may precede feeling. And turning over an idea in your mind may round it out and give it nuance, ultimately fleshing out the feeling.
At any rate, I've been mulling this over a lot lately, as I have a strong sense that if I can grasp these things more fully, really embrace them on a feeling level, my progress will accelerate. This then has become one of my major goals.
But how to do that? I have just a couple of thoughts. First, notice that JWH's “second exercise” is all about enhancing the feeling level. So if, for example, you ask the “other” to hold you, and under those conditions consider that you are feeling safer, or even add something like, “Let me feel the safety you provide,” then you are focusing on palpable sensations, a focus that should help promote a feeling rather than rather than just an idea of safety.
Second, it's going to take some time, revisiting new ideas, repeatedly and from different angles. (There is food for thought in comparing this with views on “insight” in psychoanalytic therapy.) In any event, I try not to be too quick to assume I have fully grasped a new idea/emotion. I try to stay open to new levels and facets of it. And I still have a ways to go! Perhaps the gist is that we want to grasp these things on a “gut” level.
Please email me with any thoughts you may have on this! I'm always trying to build on these ideas.
“I grow silent. Dear soul, you speak.” ~ Rumi