This post updates and elaborates on a prior post in which I outlined some techniques I've used in an effort to deepen my response to the two core exercises of the Janice Walton-Hadlock (JWH) protocol.
Phrasings
These are examples of some of the kinds of things I've said during a session in dialogue with my “invisible friend.” My primary aim with all of these phrases, requests, etc. is to nurture feelings of safety and surrender. So these phrasings contain content about those and other related feelings.
That Robert Earl Keen song captures something of how this new phase feels!
I'm pleased to say my sense that I was back on track seems to have been accurate. And my feeling that I might have turned off pause again was accurate too. I can now say confidently that I have turned off pause four times in the last week!
My focus recently has been on nurturing my relationship with my invisible friend, with some emphasis on safety and surrender. As I mentioned in a recent post, my main invisible friend lately has been Divine Mother. A few days ago it occurred to me that I might still be complicating things too much, getting a bit too fancy in trying to say certain things that I thought would have just the right effects. That led me to the notion that perhaps the simplest way to nurture the relationship and a feeling of safety was just to abide in the loving, protective arms of Divine Mother.
This is essentially a variation on exercise #2. What was different this time was that instead of merely repeating a request such as “Let me feel you hold me,” I tried to have a more continuous experience of being held in her arms. That is, the aim was to rest there in her arms for as much of the time as possible. (This is possible even during activities like walking.) Talking was secondary. Much of the time was spent not really talking about much of anything, or just moving casually from one topic to another, whatever came to mind. I think you could say this was also an intensified version of the “companionable silence.”
See the pinned posts at the top of the page for “My journey so far,” a timeline I've added chronicling key points in my progress so far. I hope this might be of help, particularly to newer readers trying to get a general idea of what I've been up to.
Inspired by my reading of Yogananda, I have lately found it quite productive to talk some of the time with Divine Mother. I am the farthest thing from an expert on this topic, but based on some of my reading, I can say that the traditions of which Yogananda was a part view Divine Mother as the feminine aspect of God. She is seen as purely, unconditionally kind, loving, forgiving.
Now anyone engaged in the JWH protocol might say that your invisible friend should be all those things anyway. And that is absolutely true! The advantage of Divine Mother is simply that, for some, it may be easier to experience her immediately as all those things than might be the case with an invisible friend with a more masculine image. Divine Mother may be just a little easier to see as something akin to pure love. That in turn may make it easier to more quickly develop love for her. And it seems clear that the more emotional attachment you feel, the more love you feel, toward your invisible friend, the more potent that relationship will be in bringing about recovery.
It's clear enough in Janice Walton-Hadlock's writings that the various techniques and associated feelings she describes are not discrete, unrelated elements. Rather, they are, by and large, interrelated parts of one integrated package. For instance, consider the connections involved in these comments in SOP (2017, p. 218):
Remember, the thalamus is stimulated when you feel God. The feeling might be an expansion of your heart...
The striatum is stimulated when you talk to your beloved.
These two brain parts, thalamus and striatum, are a few inches away from the forehead end of the Du channel.
[Updated – 3/17/21: Several small revisions for clarity made in recent days.]
Following the last post providing any detail on what I've been doing, I can report that I believe I'm now turning a corner and getting back on track. After about 11 weeks that stubborn cough I'd had seems finally to have disappeared almost entirely. Whether or not it involved a virus that may have been blocking one or more qi channels, and so interfering with turning off pause, I can't say for sure. In any event, I think it may not help in the quest to turn off pause to think it's not going to happen! So it feels good to have that out of the way.
I find reading Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramhansa Yogananda to be a nice complement to the JWH protocol. I believe it was in Janice's writings that I learned about the book. I suppose I hadn't heard of it before that because I just wasn't hanging out in spiritual circles. There it is considered a classic. Prior to beginning the protocol my spiritual interets did not go far outside a select few writers, most notably Albert Camus. Camus wrote some marvelous pieces emphasizing the awe and wonder to be found in nature and immediate, everyday experience. (Try his essay “Nuptials at Tipasa,” found in this collection.)
That served me well for years, but I quickly learned that the spiritual elements that can assist in recovery from PD necessarily venture to places an emphasis on the immediately tangible does not as easily lead. If nothing else, developing a conversational relationship with the “other,” with an “invisible friend” requires a looking inward with the imagination that ideally develops in such directions as faith, belief, and trust in someone or something you can't reach out and touch.
I've touched often on this blog on the importance of emotional surrender. In RFP (2020) JWH discusses the importance of surrender repeatedly throughout the text. She even writes, “As it turns out, an ability to emotionally surrender or enjoy self-deprecating humor or laughter at one’s own expense is a better predictor of recovery than an ultra strong will power and a ferocious determination to succeed.” Surrender is definitely essential.
That said, don't make the mistake of thinking you don't need determination or a willingness to persist, to persevere. It has been my experience that you surely do. The way I see it, while surrender is an essential key to get you through the door, persistence is needed to get you to the doorstep.
I've seen a couple of people write that they “tried” the JWH approach, but it “didn't work” for them. I have to wonder what they mean by “tried.” It's not something you can do for 20 minutes a day over the course of three months, and then have any basis to decide, “It didn't work.” JWH makes clear it is not unusual for the process to take years. Moreover, she urges followers of the protocol to progress to the point that they feel constantly in the company of their chosen “invisible friend.” On top of this, you do need to achieve a deep level of surrender. All of this can take a lot of work! As I put it elsewhere, “Ideally, you more or less want to be living the protocol.”